Scam Victims Urged to Speak Out: Romance Scam Survivors and Blackmail Victims Told to Talk to Someone You Trust and Stay Safe While You Date
If you or someone close to you has been tricked by a romance scam, it’s not your fault, and you’re far from alone. Scammers today are highly skilled at manipulating emotions, building false connections, and creating convincing stories. This type of fraud is one of the fastest-growing cybercrimes of the last decade. And according to the UK’s National Crime Agency (NCA) and the FBI, it’s happening more often than ever, especially among students and on dating apps.
But the most effective defense begins with a simple act: speaking up. Confiding in someone you trust could be the difference between falling deeper into a scam or stopping it cold.
Why Romance Scams Are Happening More Often Than You Think
A growing number of potential victims are being targeted through dating sites, social media, email, and even gaming platforms. These scams, often called romance scams, use emotional manipulation to exploit loneliness, hope, or vulnerability.
In 2023, 33 UK police forces reported nearly 8,000 blackmail offences involving the word sextortion, compared to just 23 in 2014. These stats, uncovered through a BBC investigation, are deeply troubling and show how widespread the problem has become. Emma Evans, a university student in Cardiff, explained in a radio interview how her friend was nearly duped by a scammer posing as a romantic match using scripted chat and stock images.
“Once you send something online,” said Jim Winters, Head of Economic Crime at Nationwide, “you may never have control over it again.”
7 Critical Signs of a Romance Scam (That You Might Be Ignoring)
Romance scams are not always easy to spot. These criminals are master manipulators, and even intelligent, tech-savvy people can fall victim. But if you know the red flags, you can avoid the trap.
1. They Rush Emotional Intimacy
Scammers will often try to establish a deep emotional connection within days. They might say things like, “I’ve never felt this way before,” or push for exclusivity quickly. If it feels fast, it probably is a trick.
2. They Avoid Meeting You in Person
One of the clearest signs of a scam is when your love interest refuses to meet you in person or consistently cancels video calls. Instead, they’ll offer excuses tied to their type of job, often pretending to be a soldier, oil rig worker, or contractor. The so-called “US Army scammer” is a common persona.
3. They Ask for Money or Gift Cards
Whether it’s for hospital bills, a broken phone, or a visa issue, scammers will ask for financial help. Often, they’ll request gift cards, cryptocurrency, or direct payment through a shady website or app.
4. They Use Scripted or Repetitive Language
Many romance scammers operate multiple chat windows simultaneously, using copy-paste messages. If the person repeats phrases or doesn’t directly respond to your questions, be suspicious.
5. Their Profile Photos Seem “Too Perfect”
Run a reverse image search on their profile photos. If the photo appears on multiple profiles or is associated with another name, you’re likely dealing with a scammer. The images are often used elsewhere, taken from stock libraries or real people’s social media accounts.
6. They Isolate You from Friends and Family
Scammers want control. If they urge you to keep the relationship secret or discourage you from sharing messages with someone else for a second opinion, that’s a major red flag.
7. Your Gut Tells You Something Is Wrong
When things feel “off” or suspicious, trust your instincts. You might not have proof yet, but it’s always safer to step back and talk to someone you trust.
Why “Talk To Someone You Trust” Is the First Step to Safety
According to fraud experts, staying silent only empowers the scammer. Shame, fear, and manipulation keep scam victims quiet, which allows the scam to continue. Whether it’s a friend, relative, or therapist, opening up is a powerful way to break the cycle.
“Blackmail victims told us they didn’t speak up out of fear of judgment,” says Annya Burksys, Head of Fraud at Nationwide. “But sharing your experience with friends and family can provide clarity and confidence.”
If you’re unsure, show the messages to someone else for a second set of eyes. When someone outside the situation reads them, they may spot inconsistencies or details that don’t match.
How Romance Scammers Exploit Grief and Emotional Vulnerability
Romance scammers don’t just target the lonely—they also go after people in emotionally difficult moments, including those who’ve lost a loved one.
Exploiting Grief for Profit
Trading standards officers in the UK uncovered scams where criminals are counting on grief to manipulate victims. One common trick involves offering access to fake funeral livestreams for a fee. Scammers also set up fake donation pages or impersonate the deceased’s relatives.
“It’s hard to imagine a more cruel form of fraud,” said Katherine Hart, a lead officer monitoring these scams. “But we’re seeing it more and more.”
What To Do If You’re Targeted by a Romance Scammer
Here’s a step-by-step action plan if you suspect or know you’re being scammed:
- Stop All Communication
Block them on every platform. Do not reply or argue. - Save Everything
Take screenshots of all messages, profile information, photos, and usernames. - Use a Search Engine to Investigate
Search their profile photos, the type of job the person has, or any suspicious phrases they’ve used. - Talk to Someone You Trust
Whether it’s a friend, family member, or support hotline, confide in someone. Get someone else for a second opinion before doing anything. - Report the Scam
Report to the platform (e.g., Tinder, Facebook), local police, or national authorities like the FBI, NCA, or your police force in the UK. The more forces to respond, the better the chance of preventing future loss for others.
How to Stay Vigilant and Avoid Future Scams
- Limit personal details on dating profiles—people not overshare are less likely to be targeted.
- If someone pushes for a relationship too fast on new online platforms, be cautious.
- Google their job title + “scammer” to see if others have reported similar experiences.
- If a profile seems off, run a reverse image search.
- Be skeptical of long-distance relationships that escalate quickly.
- Always seek verification from a trusted authority.
Final Thoughts: Why Speaking Up Saves More Than Just You
Romance scams can cause more than financial loss. They leave victims feeling ashamed, violated, and emotionally drained. But silence only protects the scammer.
By sharing your experience with someone you trust, you not only help yourself, you also warn others. The truth is, these kinds of scams rely on secrecy and silence to thrive.
Let’s end that.
If you’ve been affected, report it, talk about it, and don’t let it define your story. Recovery is not only possible—it’s powerful.
