Romance Scam Warning: “You Blame Yourself,” Says Dating Scam Victim After Heartbreaking Conversation
“You blame yourself,” says dating scam victim Deborah Cole, who lost over £700 to a fake American widower she met on a dating site. “There was always an excuse why he couldn’t meet me. I should’ve seen the red flags.”
Stories like Deborah’s are becoming more common in an increasingly online world, where scammers prey on people seeking love. These fraudsters manipulate emotions, exploit trust, and leave behind not only financial ruin, but deep emotional scars.
In this article, I’ll expose the harsh truths behind romance scams, explore the tactics used to deceive, and provide real solutions to protect yourself or someone you love.
What Is a Romance Scam — and Why So Many Women Are Falling for It
A romance scam is a specific type of fraud where a scammer pretends to be romantically interested in someone — usually through a dating site or social media — with the sole purpose of manipulating them into sending money or personal information.
These scams are devastating because they don’t just steal finances; they rob victims of trust, confidence, and emotional well-being.
Scammers often pose as successful businesspeople, deployed soldiers, or lonely widowers. Many even claim to be looking to meet someone for a serious relationship. They may use fake photos and stolen identities to seem legitimate on the website or app where they initiate contact.
The woman on the receiving end is emotionally groomed through thoughtful conversations, loving messages, and often, a desire to plan a life together. But it’s all false — part of a well-rehearsed operation that ends in betrayal.
According to the FTC, Americans lost over $1.3 billion to romance scams in 2022 — and that number is growing.
7 Red Flags That Scream You’re Being Scammed
Recognizing early warning signs can save you or a loved one from becoming a victim. Here are the top red flags experts say you should never ignore:
1. The Man Falls in Love Fast
He’s charming, attentive, and says everything you want to hear — quickly. If a man you’ve just started talking to online starts professing love or calling you his soulmate, it’s a red flag.
These emotional surges are a tactic used to rush intimacy and lower your defenses.
2. He Insists on Moving Off the Dating Site
Once contact is made, scammers often urge you to leave the dating site and switch to text, email, or messaging apps. This helps them avoid the site’s moderation and gives them more control of the conversation.
3. Excuses to Avoid Meeting in Person or Video Calling
Scammers create elaborate stories about working overseas, being in the military, or undergoing secret operations. They always have a reason why they can’t video call, meet, or even send real-time photos.
This is a major red flag. If someone can’t prove who they are, they likely aren’t who they say they are.
4. Requests for Financial Help Start Small
At first, they might ask you to send a small payment — maybe for a medical emergency, a travel visa, or an unexpected financial crisis. Soon, the requests escalate. One woman reported making 16 payments totaling over £120,000 before realizing it was a scam.
5. They Ask You to Keep the Relationship Secret
A healthy relationship involves family and friends. If they ask you to hide the relationship from your loved ones, it’s to prevent others from spotting the scam. This isolation is intentional.
6. Your Gut Tells You Something’s Wrong
You feel uneasy. Their language starts sounding too perfect or inconsistent. They avoid specifics. When you start feeling suspicious, listen to your instincts — they’re often right.
7. Your Bank Flags the Transactions
If your bank or card provider calls to question a transaction, don’t dismiss it. Financial institutions are trained to spot signs of fraud. Take their concerns seriously.
Why Victims Blame Themselves — And Why They Shouldn’t
One of the most heartbreaking outcomes of a romance scam is that the victim often carries the emotional burden. They feel embarrassed, ashamed, and even guilty. They wonder how they could fall for it.
But here’s the truth:
- Scammers are expert manipulators.
- They study human behavior and language to build trust.
- They use techniques similar to emotional abuse and coercion.
“I felt like an idiot,” said one victim. “But the conversation felt so real, and I just wanted to meet someone after my husband died.”
This isn’t stupidity — it’s vulnerability. And many people fall for these scams. You’re not alone, and you’re not to blame.
How Much Money Do Romance Scam Victims Really Lose?
The financial toll is staggering.
In 2022, the FTC reported that victims lost over $1.3 billion to romance scams, with an average loss of over $4,000 per person. But some people lose tens of thousands — even their life savings.
Payment Methods Commonly Used by Scammers
- Cryptocurrency
- Wire transfers
- Gift cards
- Peer-to-peer apps like Zelle, CashApp, and Venmo
These forms of payment are difficult to trace, and once the money is gone, it’s rarely recovered. Scammers may even pretend to be helping you invest — only to steal everything.
What To Do If You Suspect You’re in a Romance Scam
If you think you or someone you care about is being scammed:
- Stop communication immediately. Block them from all platforms.
- Call your bank or card provider. Explain the situation and freeze your accounts if needed.
- Report the scam to your local police, the FTC, or the Internet Crime Complaint Center.
- Gather all evidence — messages, emails, photos, and payment receipts. These help during the investigation.
- Talk to someone. Whether it’s family, a counselor, or a victim support group, you need emotional help to heal.
Some Scammers Are Being Prosecuted — And Going to Jail
While many scammers operate from countries with weak law enforcement, prosecutions are happening.
In several high-profile cases, fraudsters were sentenced to jail after being linked to large-scale romance fraud networks. Law enforcement traced their operations using phone records, bank transactions, and fake ID documentation.
If you report the scam, you might not get your money back — but you could stop that scammer from hurting someone else.
Final Words — You Deserve Better, and You’re Not Alone
Whether you’re dating after a divorce, after losing a partner, or simply trying to find love again, you deserve honesty and real connection.
But in the age of online dating, vigilance is essential. Learn the signs. Protect your heart and your wallet. Talk to your family. And if you’ve already been a victim, remember this:
You are not to blame. You were targeted. And your experience can help others stay safe.
Frequently Asked Questions About Romance Scams
What is a romance scam?
A romance scam is a type of fraud in which a scammer builds a fake romantic relationship to manipulate someone into sending money or personal details.
What should I do if I’ve already sent money?
Immediately call your bank or card issuer. Then report the scam to law enforcement and online complaint centers. Gather all evidence for the investigation.
Is it worth reporting a scam if the scammer is overseas?
Yes. Your report can help build a larger case and might contribute to a successful prosecution of a global fraud operation.
How can I help protect someone I know?
Talk openly, without judgment. Share educational resources. Encourage them to report suspicious behavior and seek support.
